The Best Hardest Thing We've Ever Done
Hello Beautiful people!
For 30 years of our marriage, Todd and I cycled through the same challenge.
He Said, She Said
For Todd and I, communication has never been easy.
Many conversations, especially the ones where we had differing opinions, would lead to me feeling hurt and shutting down, and Todd feeling attacked and angry.
The struggle was real. For 30 years we couldn’t seem to communicate effectively no matter what we did or how hard we felt we were trying. Our lack of success left us frustrated, feeling desperate, disconnected, lonely and angry.
A trusting relationship, or not?
At face value, communication includes the words we use, the way we say them, our tone and our body language.
What I’ve learned over the last few years is, the words and tone and body language that resonate with me, and have me leaning into a conversation wanting more…..those same words and tone and body language, leave Todd feeling impatient, losing interest and having no idea what I’m trying to say. It’s no wonder so many of our conversations ended unsuccessfully.
According to recent relationship trends “To maintain a happy, strong relationship for the duration of a lifetime, requires couples to continually adapt to one other.”
Todd prefers less words and short sentences that get to the point.
I prefer a soft, open facial expression and tone of voice.
Not right or wrong, just different.
Awareness that our personal preferences or preferred commncation style is likely not the same as the one we’re communicating with, then choosing mindful adjustments in our delivery accordingly, can be the difference between a strong effective connection and desired outcome, or not. The difference between increasing trust in the relationship, or not
The Choice
After learning that we all have our own unique way of communicating and mine was very different from Todds, it was like a light bulb finally turned on and there was hope!
This awareness was amazing and the next question was, now what? HOW exactly do we proceed?
HOW do we have conversations that are mindful, validating, feel safe and increase our trust in each other. How do we have hard conversations with desired outcomes?
The answer was a simple conversation structure designed to help us hear each other and validate each other with greater understanding and empathy..
Now, when we have a frustration or a challenging topic to share, we turn to our new safe structured practice that leaves us both feeling validated and understood.
Learning this safe communication style has been one of the best choices we’ve made for our relationship.
The Best Hardest Thing
Improving our communication skills hasn’t been easy. It's a choice to apply our awareness and practice our skills every time we sit down to communicate. We’re not perfect but it’s definately been a game changer for us.
It’s the best hardest thing we do
For a long time I felt hopeless thinking about the communication in our marriage. Today, healthier communication practices bring more intimacy and increase our trust in each other.
When we have a discussion, negotiate grievances, share frustrations and have a pow wow about all the challenges that come up in our marriage, as they do almost daily, we’ve got the skills and tools to communicate effectively, with love and respect for each other's strengths and values. It’s the best, hardest thing we do.
The moral of my story? Relationships are a journey and Todd and I are forever on it. Forever <3
It's All Connected
As my personal relationships have grown from the pursuit of mastering communication skills, so have my professional relationships and my business.
What I’m learning in my personal life always reflects the journey I’m on with my clients. Together learning and growing what's most important in life. Focusing on the connection between personal and professional relationships and our relationship with ourselves, has been such an honor and the most rewarding journey.
